Discovering your authenticity and living your truth in the wild

“The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself”

— Friedrich Nietzsche

With the overflowing impact of social media influencers, outdoor brand ambassadors, and aspiring YouTube outdoor vloggers, it seems that recreating in the outdoors has become this heightened mechanism to make an income while putting your personal life on public display.

Don’t get me wrong; I am 100 percent inspired by authentic athletes such as Mirna Valerio and uplifting outdoor podcasts, including Women On the Road and She Explores. I am obsessed with watching Brianna Madia, and her dogs frolic through the Utah deserts. I soak up every word on @savnorthwest’s IG account, and I am awestruck by oppressed minorities who are not afraid to strut their stuff on a public platform and live their truth. Individuals such as Pattie Gonia and Quin Brett are living authentically through social media to elevate others who do not have a voice. Social media can be inspiring if you allow it to be and if you cut through the bullsh**t, but it’s cutting through the bullsh**t that is challenging and can often make us feel inadequate and inauthentic.

The “outdoor industry” is a puzzle to me.

Just the fact that the outdoors is now an industry boggles my mind. Brands spend millions of dollars a year to market products and hire brand influencers to promote the newest and shiniest ultralight piece of outdoor gear, gear that we literally use to sleep in the dirt. I struggle with this. A lot

Over the years, I have plunged into the deep end. I joined Instagram and even started an outdoor blog!

I have drunk the cool-aid that the outdoor gear industry has served.

I have my favorite brands and my most trusted products, but I am still the biggest advocate of using whatever you are comfortable with using. I firmly believe that you do not have to buy ultralight gear to be a “successful” thru-hiker, but instead, you can and should carry and use the gear that works best for YOU. Carrying a ten-pound tent on a 30-day trek may be a bit much, but hopefully, you get my point. I literally know people who swear by ultralight gear but yet carry three pounds of makeup into the backcountry. Riddle me that.

Who am I to judge? I carry wine, gummy bears, dog treats, a book, and a face mask on every single backcountry trip. However, I own up to this and have zero shame in my weird ways because these things make me happy.

Long gone are the days of backpacking into Mineral King wearing jeans, cotton shirts, and carrying an external frame backpack with my pet llamas at the young age of 10 years old. We now live in a world of synthetic material, pee rags, and fancy backcountry coffee filters.

My WHY

The outdoor world completely has changed from when I was ten years old, frolicking on the weekends with my llamas on the west side of the Sierra. However, I do believe that after all these years, I have stayed true to myself when it comes time to playing in the outdoors.

I spend endless hours running, skiing, hiking, and camping in the outdoors, always with my dog Moo and frequently with my friends. My purpose in the outdoors is comprised of the following:

to connect with nature
to clear my mind
to work through my problems
to play with my pup
to increase my physical strength and endurance
to marvel at sunrises and sunsets
to get closer with God
to experience beauty
to improve my mental well being
to learn new skills
to heal
to challenge myself
to sleep under the stars
to be humbled
to increase my gratitude and awareness
to improve my creativity
to disconnect and be in solitude
to spend time with others
to introduce friends to a world in which I love

These are my motives for getting outside. If I find myself stressed out, overwhelmed, or having difficulty at work, I know I need to take a few hours to create space for others and myself by being out on the trail. I like climbing big mountains and skiing black diamonds just as much as I love sitting on my paddleboard drinking a beer and staring at my dog.

Have you met my dog? She is the BEST!

My dog, Moo, has truly made my time in the outdoors more magical than words can express. There is no place I would rather be in the world at any time of day than peak bagging, paddleboarding, backpacking, or skiing with this little dog. My bond with Moo is beyond words, and I know wholeheartedly that this is apparent to anyone who spends time with us in the outdoors. (I don’t think this paragraph contributed anything to this post but I love sharing about my dog on this blog).

Moo and I recently did our first 20-mile day together this winter. We skied then went for a trail run then tried to ski again but ended up walking a road because there was no snow! It boggles my mind to think three months ago this little pup was mau… — Moo and I recently did our first 20-mile day together this winter. We skied then went for a trail run then tried to ski again but ended up walking a road because there was no snow! It boggles my mind to think three months ago this little pup was mauled by a coyote.

My relationship with photography, social media, and blogging

Over the past year, I picked up a camera for the first time and became hooked on adventure and outdoor photography; however, this has never been my primary purpose for playing outside. I ski, run and paddleboard without my camera, and I have noticed more often than not, I leave my camera at home without even thinking about it. Yes, I do love everything about outdoor photography, but that is not my objective for getting outside, nor will it ever be.

However, if outdoor photography is the reason that gets YOU outside then you should own it! After all, just getting out there regardless of the WHY is what is important. Just remember to find your authentic WHY.

I started an outdoor blog and an Instagram account as a creative outlet for myself and in hopes of inspiring others. Someday I laugh at the thought that maybe it is just my mom who reads this thing, but I genuinely enjoy putting it out there, regardless if it gets picked up by a prominent magazine one month and then collects dust on the Internet the other 11 months.

We should always be living our best life…

Acknowledging and falsifying the WHY

I do not think it matters WHY someone recreates in the outdoors, but I do believe individuals must dig deep enough to recognize and acknowledge their WHYs. Being untrue to yourself can only hurt you, and others are quick to pick up on it.

I recently spent time in the outdoors with an individual who is struggling with her mountain of personal issues. Family illness, divorce, financial hardship, and the inability to be independent has sent this individual into a spiral of self-sabotage. My heart ached for her, and I watched her escape into Mother Nature in hopes of finding healing, but instead of finding peace and strength, she found the monetary value in YouTube videos.

We would spend most of our days together stopping to shoot video, doing multiple outtakes, and pre-planning what she would say on camera. We could never have big mile days, and I started to feel as though she was only getting outdoors because she wanted to shoot video. She would plan trips with the sole purpose of shooting YouTube videos, and if we were doing something fun that wouldn’t necessarily hone to her skillset or make herself look good on camera, it would turn into a meltdown. It became exhausting. I wanted to do big miles, swim on inflatable rainbow rafts, peak bag, and ski, but if she wasn’t going to shoot a video, we were not going to do any of that. I finally realized that her reason for recreating outdoors was to try to make a living off of YouTube.

The problem was that she couldn’t recognize that this was her primary focus. She continued to explain to others that the outdoors was where she found her strength and having a strong back and open heart were her motives for getting outside when in reality, her underlying purpose was to make a living.

From a mental health perspective, I think it is hard to find healing when you are falsifying yourself. My mind continues to spin, and my heart aches for this individual. I continue to hope that she recognizes her self-worth, her true calling, and her authentic reasoning for recreating in the wild. There is nothing wrong with monetizing from a skillset, but living authentically and acknowledging this fact is what is important.

Falsifying your true self, especially when it comes time to the outdoors and portraying this on social media can be a dangerous slippery slope.

This tough lesson has led me to think a lot about the relationship we have with the outdoors and our true selves.

Do you and own it

If someone wants to become Instagram famous or make a living off of YouTube, and that is the primary reason that gets them into nature, then more power to them. If someone embraces Mother Nature to help them through past trauma or current personal battles, then I hope the outdoors becomes his or her sanctuary. If someone wants to wear a gown and heels and have their photo taken on a cliff because it makes them feel beautiful, then they are my superhero (mainly because I don’t even own a gown and I am way too shy to be in a photoshoot).

I get that this is a hot topic and there is SO much SHAMING in terms of “doing it for the gram”

But what if this person who is “doing it for the gram” takes a selfie because they feel beautiful one day when they usually feel ugly? What if climbing a mountain or walking two miles was the first time an individual had the courage to get outside in public? I would be way more stoked to see a sweaty selfie on Instagram from someone who felt a rush of self-esteem than a YouTube video made from someone who is living a false life.

Let me tell you, being authentic on a public forum takes guts. Curating a false idea of yourself on a social media platform just takes a good camera and a login/password combination.

I do not think an individual's specific reasons for recreating in the outdoors are important. I don't even believe an individual has to have a "reason" to want to go outside. However, it is my belief that being true to yourself can not only free you from your demons but can also differentiate your true self from your fraudulent self.

What is your truth behind why you recreate in the outdoors?